Remission or Not?

On 21 June I had my followup appt with my oncologist following my last chemo treatment, PET scan and labs to find out how 7 months of going through hell has finally panned out for me. I went into the appointment with mixed emotions, not sure what to expect. As he started to go over the scan all I could really hear was, "Blah, blah, blah". Like Charlie Browns mother's voice, until I heard the word "Remission". My CA-125 is at its lowest ever and my scan was good. I was and still am in somewhat disbelief. Is the cancer really gone? Like gone, gone? The answer to that question is "For now". As we all know, those that have been diagnosed with cancer, you're not technically cancer-free until you hit that 5-year milestone of no reoccurrence.

My Journey is quite different having the BRCA-1 gene. I'm still at risk so my treatment will continue. I will have high-risk breast cancer screenings every 6 months. I will be on a PARP inhibitor, which is like a mild chemo in tablet form, for the next 3 to 5 years and I will have to do labs frequently. When I say it's lifelong, I mean this is a lifelong journey for me. 

I want to be happy I won this battle. I walk away with the scars to show it. Unfortunately I can't just walk away as much as I want to. I so bad want to put it in the past and walk away. Begin my renewed life, I just can't. 

I already have a followup with a General Surgeon for breast cancer treatment and screenings. My abdomen wound from my surgery is still healing after almost 3 months. I'm still taking tons of medicine. Lastly, I have a colostomy that I will need to live with. 

So, yes! I'm happy the cancer is gone for now but it is very hard for me to be optimistic that it will be gone forever. Everyday is a blessing and I really need to start living that way. 21 June will always be a special day.